The Biggest Luger

Well, what more appropriate a time than now for the above title, the night when yet another adored reality television program, based solely on the exploitation of its contestants has its finale. Well for now at least. No doubt the bigwigs at channel seven are already trawling the country for another bunch of insecure, overweight people for people to gawk at and feel good because "Hey man I'm not as big a boombalada (and yes, that is the official spelling) as that guy". Yes, it's the insecure securing the other insecure, if you follow me.

Anyhoo, it's easy to be negative so let the class begin. The man you see gracing the cover of this edition is none other than Venezuela's premier luge pilot, Werner Hoeger. Yes, I was confused as well at first, because you don't meet a great deal of Latin Americans with names that would seem more at home at a reunion of the 5th Panzer Division than on the front page of the evening edition of 'El Mundo'. But here's the kicker to this whole shebang (thanks Ben Gibbard), he was born in Venezuela to an Austrian mother and German father and grew up in Merida. He got a scholarship to a university in the U.S. where he completed his PhD. at the age of 24. He now is a professor in the Department of Kinesiology at Boise State University, but it gets better.

From 1970-1975 he was the reigning Venezuelan national all-around gymnastics champion. He didn't actually take up luging until 8 years ago, when he was 44. No your eyes don't deceive you dear readers, 44! Most people are content to file away most of their sporting dreams by that age, excluding those wonderful people who partake in such "low impact" pastimes such as darts, croquet, lawn bowls, chess, shooting, sailing, golf... um errrr, perhaps the opening stanza of this sentence was a little inaccurate. I'm concerned because a lot of guys the wrong side of 50 have trouble operating an automobile 60 km/h and this bloke tearing down a sheer ice track at a squllion miles an hour. Lets not for forget that he's doing this wearing figure hugging lycra (shudder). In any event, he cracked it fo 32nd place out of 36 competitors at Turin 2006, not too shabby at all.

My last word for you Werner is even if you don't qualify for the next winter olympics you will still be able to get in cheap as a spectator when you present your pensioners card.

For more information on famous Werners visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Werner_Klemperer

and

http://nobelprize.org/physics/laureates/1932/heisenberg-bio.html

Hoogaaannnn!!

If You Can Read This Then You Are Not Blind

I really have little to say of any consequence, so this post will consist of ten English words that I feel aren't used as often as they could, nay, should be.

Invigilator - Someone who watches examination candidates to prevent cheating.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examination hall."

Abacus - A manual computing device consisting of a frame holding parallel rods strung with movable counters.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examinaion hall holding his abacus."

Vassal - A person who held land from a feudal lord and received protection in return for homage and allegiance.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examination hall holding his abacus while his vassal looked on in admiration."

Isthmus - A narrow strip of land connecting two larger masses of land.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examination hall holding his abacus while his vassal looked on in admiration, dreaming of the isthmus he called home."

Equine - Of, relating to, or characteristic of a horse.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examination hall holding his abacus while his vassal looked on in admiration, dreaming of the isthmus he called home where he would play with his equine friends."

Triumvirate - A group of three men responsible for public administration or civil authority.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examination hall holding his abacus while his vassal looked on in admiration, dreaming of the isthmus he called home where he would play with his equine friends under the oppression of a corrupt triumvirate."

Ne'er-do-well - An idle, irresponsible person.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examination hall holding his abacus while his vassal looked on in admiration, dreaming of the isthmus he called home where he would play with his equine friends under the oppression of a corrupt triumvirate, who thought him nought but a ne'er-do-well."

Habedasher - A dealer in men's furnishings.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examination hall holding his abacus while his vassal looked on in admiration, dreaming of the isthmus he called home where he would play with his equine friends under the oppression of a corrupt triumvirate, who thought him nought but a ne'er-do-well who would amount to nothing more than a haberdasher."

Moxibustion - The burning of moxa or other substances on the skin to treat diseases or to produce analgesia.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examination hall holding his abacus while his vassal looked on in admiration, dreaming of the isthmus he called home where he would play with his equine friends under the oppression of a corrupt triumvirate, who thought him nought but a ne'er-do-well who would amount to nothing more than a haberdasher, prolonging their own feeble lives with frequent health sessions involving moxibustion and other therapeutic practices."

Galoshes - Waterproof overshoes that protect shoes from water or snow.

"The invigilator stood at the front of the examination hall holding his abacus while his vassal looked on in admiration, dreaming of the isthmus he called home where he would play with his equine friends under the oppression of a corrupt triumvirate, who thought him nought but a ne'er-do-well who would amount to nothing more than a haberdasher, prolonging their own feeble lives with frequent health sessions involving moxibustion and other therapeutic practices only venturing outside when clad in long back trenchcoats and matching galoshes."


Get back to work you slackers.